she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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