i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
