I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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