Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
