i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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