i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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