Me. At least after what I've been through.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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