Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
