I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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