Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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