Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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