Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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