My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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