the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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