I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
