Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
