Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
