I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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