Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
