Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
