4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
