After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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