i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
