They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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