Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
