maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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