Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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