he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
