I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
