my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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