I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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