my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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