Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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