Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
