every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
