wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
