Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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