a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
