p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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