I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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