Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
