I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize