brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My hand turned me down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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