clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
