I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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