I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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