Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
