I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
