My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
