Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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