Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
