I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
