i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The air taste purple.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
