if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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