she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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