new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
