They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
