playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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