Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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