Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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