My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
