I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
