We're facebook friends in real life
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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