pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
