The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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