I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
