the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
