All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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