Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.