he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
