its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.