32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me